초등학교를 졸업하고 이제 얼마 후면 아들이 중학교에 입학을 합니다. 초등학생 때처럼 친구같은 아빠와 장난끼 많은 아들 관계로 유지하고 싶은데 쉽지가 않습니다. 별것도 아닌 것으로 화내고 나면 ‘내가 왜이러나…’하는 생각에 괴롭습니다. 오늘 중학생 아들과 어떻게 지내야 할지를 고민해보려고 합니다.
중학생 아들과 초딩같은 아빠
아빠의 입장에서 바라본 아들은 아빠 본인의 모습을 너무 닮아 있습니다.
그러기 때문에 내가 고쳐야 하는 부분들이 더 싫게 느껴지고 ‘아들 만큼은 저렇게 놔두지 말아야지’하면서 나도 모르게 단호한 걸 지나쳐서 감정이 앞서게 되는 것 같습니다.
서로 표현도 많이 하고 함께 놀이나 활동하는 것을 정말 좋아하지만, 그러면서 했던 말이나 행동들로 상처를 받아 삐치기도 하고 서운해 하기도 합니다. 아빠는 예전처럼 좋은 사이의 부자 관계로 돌아가고 싶습니다.
아빠와 아들의 충돌 원인
최근에 아들과 아빠가 가장 많은 충돌을 일으키는 요인이 바로 ‘휴대폰’입니다. 어제도 아빠가 불러도 대답 없이 휴대폰 쳐다보고 있길래 ‘버럭’ 하면서 휴대폰을 뺏었습니다.
그랬더니 눈물을 뚝뚝 흘리면서 ‘아침부터 저녁 때까지 공부만 하다가 잠깐 쉬는 시간에 내가 하고 싶은 오락도 못 해?’라고 하는데 정말 마음이 아파지면서 이런 실랑이가 언제까지 계속돼야 하는지 속상하기만 했습니다.
아들이 휴대폰에 집중하는 것이 어쩌면 당연하다고 생각이 들면서도, 책이 아닌 폰을 들고 있는 모습에 자꾸 예민하게 굴었습니다. 게임할 수 있도록 정해둔 시간에도 조금만 그 시간이 넘으면 조바심을 내고, 잔소리를 해댔습니다.
아빠의 실천리스트
휴대폰과 관련된 일 아니고서는 뭐라고 할 것이 없는 아들입니다.
아들이 이 시간들을 잘 극복하고 이겨낼 수 있도록 기다려줘야만 하는 것인지, 아님 아들은 아직 스스로 자제력을 갖추기 힘든 나이라서 정확히 통제를 해야하는지 헷갈리는 시기가 찾아왔습니다.
적어도 아내는 몰라도 저 만큼은 화장실에서 폰을 들고가서 오래 앉아있어도, 공부하는 시간에 잠깐씩 휴대폰에 빠져 있어도 의심하고 조급해 하는 모습을 줄여야 겠다는 생각이 들었습니다.
돌아오는 한 달간 아빠의 실천 리스트는 다음과 같습니다.
아들에게 흥분해서 목소리 높여서 말하지 않기
휴대폰과 관련된 것에는 설령 의심가는 부분이 있더라도 무조건 아들의 말을 믿어주기
아들이 장난칠 때, 웃다가도 해서는 안 되거나 알려줘야 할 것들 분명하게 말하기
아들이 엄마에게 혼날 때, 놀리거나 얄밉게 굴지 않기
언제나 아빠가 아들을 사랑한다는 사실을 의심하지 않게 해주기
사춘기 아들과 세계여행
사춘기 아들과 관계를 고민하던 필자가 함께 세계여행을 떠났습니다. 물론 거짓말 같은 이야기 같지만, 꿈꾸던 이야기를 현실로 바꾸었습니다. 이제 함께 여행을 시작한 지, 54일이 되었습니다.
A beginner ENFP dad adolescent son A practical parenting report on restoring relationships. A son who resembles his father in appearance and personality. Awkward relationshipGet out of Strong memoriesHow to make it! ENFP temperamentThe father who had it realized 3 behaviors you should absolutely avoidPlease check it out.
The source of new dads' dissatisfaction is their cell phones.‘
From childhood, our relationship was a little different from other father-son relationships, and my father and I assumed it would last forever. However, both the novice father and the novice son who was entering puberty found themselves hurting and being hurt more often than expected.
In front of my son's favorite Transformers character, Optimus Prime
My father's biggest complaint these days is his cell phone. My son, a sixth-grader, is allowed to play games for two hours a day, with his parents' permission, on weekends only. It's the only time he's guaranteed to play without worrying about what others think.
However, recreational activities are prohibited on weekdays. However, time is allowed for checking school notices, contacting friends, and reading news articles.do.
But sometimes, a father feels his son's behavior is a waste of time, and he gets angry. Yesterday was another example. Dad was exercising on his stationary bike while watching TV in the living room, while his son was lying on the bed, playing with his phone.
Since his father worked out for about 60 minutes, the son had about 30 minutes of free time to lie down after dinner.
Dad felt so sorry for his son. He felt like he could have spent that time playing the piano, reading, or finding more productive ways to relax. He felt it was a waste to waste his time like that. His voice grew louder before he knew it.
(dad)“How many hours have you been wasting your time on your phone?”
He is not the type of son who would just say 'yes' to that.
(Son) ”Isn’t that a waste?”
(dad)“Then what are you doing?”
(Son) ”Are you just reading the article?”
(dad)“Isn’t that a waste of time?”
According to my father's words The thorns grew and the emotions became sharp. The son must have been offended by his father's tone. He was so upset that he burst into tears, and the conflict was resolved only after his mother intervened. It seems he was exercising alone, contemplating various things.
Both my son and my wife are doing their best in their respective roles. But from my father's perspective, their best efforts sometimes seem far from enough. I think my wife and son may feel the same way when they look at their father.
But if Dad speaks sharply like this and creates tension, home, which should be a place to rest and recharge, becomes something else.
When there is someone who makes the family tense and self-conscious, it will be difficult for family members to achieve true recovery.
Let's become mature adults!
In a way, I thought the conflict between father and son might be a reflection of the high expectations placed on the son, who had suddenly grown up. I agree.
My son, who has grown so much like his mother, has matured in so many ways that he sometimes offers solutions I couldn't even begin to grasp. In both body and mind, I've come to expect and hope for many things from him.
He still needs to grow up in the love of his father and mother, and he needs to become more mature and tolerant… This is all the result of his father’s foolishness in not being able to do so.
As I was using #, it was so serious that I felt suffocated.
# I need to approach my son with a more mature attitude.
